um so hello here you go

Where it all began

every good story needs a beginning, a start. Pee on your paragraphs and all that.

the actual(ish) beginning

at college, i began researching how to come out to your parents, i was already out-ish to some people. i told a few people back in september 2016, and then got myself ready to tell mum and dad. I don’t know exactly when this was, but it would have been between then and november 2016.

let’s pray it away

gay conversion therapy, for me, started with a discussion about why being gay was not god’s plan for me or for anyone. as most gen z’s do, i’d googled what other people’s opinions of being gay were, and discovered that it wasn’t a bad or scary thing.

the two years after (to 2018)

from the end of 2016 to late 2018, i was a shell of myself, a body carrying around a barely functioning personality.

the realisation of what had happened

i think, although this whole part is a bit foggy, i realised i’d been through gay conversion therapy because of troye sivan. he’d been in a film called boy erased, and contributed a song called ‘revelation’ to the film’s album.

after the realisation (2018 to present)

nothing’s ever been the same since.

what now

well, for now, i’m getting help, both through talking therapy and with the nhs. i’m also reconstructing what it means to be me and what i want out of life. i’m going at life by myself, because i can’t rely on anyone else.

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